Sail on Silver Girl

This story (which is entitled “Alice in the New Millennium,” ) really has nothing to do with the image–its just that I can’t find any really appropriate images for this story. I thought I had something but this is the best I can do.

Hi Lewis—You incredible wuss—you can’t keep hiding out there forever. As I’ve told you previously you’re being a thin-skinned arse about this whole thing. As some one a lot smarter than me once said—“Let the critics be damned—unless they praise you to the skies they can just stick their opinions where the moon don’t shine.” Come back to London and write your sequel here—you can live in my flat on Themes Street—it’s close to the Charring Cross Underground Station and your favorite pub, “The Bed and Whore” is on the next street. Sylvia says she misses you—and your money.

I’ve finished up the research you asked for. Attached are my bibliography and pertinent notations. For your convenience and overview I’ll summarize what I found.

I could find nothing on those 6 or 7 years after Alice returned from the rabbit hole. Then at about age 17 there are a few articles in the tabloids—some stuff about her winning a lot of martial arts competitions and at 18 some bikini shots that would give a blind man a hard-on. Then she graduates with honors from Cambridge at 19—with a doctorate in Eastern Religions.

Pretty cool stuff—right? It gets better.

Turns out as of several years ago she’s the highest-paid pole-dancer in the UK—dances under the name of Trixie Rabbit. I have it on good authority she has an act and a body that frequently induces acute arrhythmia. Men over 40 attending her 20 minute dance routine based around Golden Earring’s, “When The Bullet Hits The Bone” were required to sign a waiver absolving management of any responsibility for death or mental incapacitation. Most places where she performed had defibrillators and kept nitro-glycerin tablets on hand as a courtesy.

After a series of street performances in London two years ago to raise money for a homeless children’s fund there was acrimonious debate in the House of Commons as to whether Miss Alice should be required to register her breasts as lethal weapons.

According to her publicist Alice/Trixie wanted to do something interesting and profitable to celebrate her 21st birthday. How she came up with the notion I have no idea but she decided she was going to take a bump and grind road show (or if you like a T&A review) to the states. She told the press when she first announced it it was her contribution to the cultural uplifting of the colonies—I think she was being facetious.

She spent the next several months recruiting 100 girls between the ages of 18 & 28. Any girl who didn’t meet certain physical requirements had the option of getting surgery. All girls had to have estrogen levels in the 90th percentile.

On a sunny May afternoon several years ago a chartered British Airways 747 landed at LaGuardia Airport. The American media hailed Miss Alice’s arrival as the British T&A invasion. I’m sure you can guess what the boys from the Boston Globe called her performances in that city. In addition to the American press a mighty contingent from the British media and a dozen other countries were on hand. As we all know sex sells and 101 pairs of world-class tits sells like life-boat tickets on the Titanic. The Times ran a 4 page photo-essay which sold-out in 20 minutes and extra runs were added—they used enough paper in that one edition to gift-wrap the Queen Mary twice.

For the next 6 months her review played to packed houses in over 50 cities. Everywhere she went she got rave reviews, Newsweek wrote about her show, “Miss Alice brings to the stage a level of erotic energy and sensual nuance unlike anything we have seen since the golden days of strippers like Cindy Bazooms and Judy Ta-tas and on a much more gratifying, heavy-duty level—the term ‘industrial strength’ comes to mind. Miss Alice provides us not just the usual crotch-candy but a 12 course meal with meat in every course. Once the curtain goes up we are flung helplessly into a world of unrelenting sexual gluttony—a planet of endless titillation and arousal with an atmosphere made up of pure pheromones.”

She made an obscene amount of money (no pun intended) because she went after the family demographic—and she was quite successful. The afternoon matinees drew massive family audiences and she offered great discounts for school groups. In a way I guess she did make a contribution to American culture—the same Newsweek article commented that, “non-degree vocational options for women in the entertainment industry have expanded—at least 80 community colleges around the country are now offering certification programs in T&A Kinetics.”

She’s been back in this country now for almost 2 years now—a rich woman—word is she’s been seen hanging out with Oprah. Mostly she’s lying low—planning her next big move. One can’t wait to see wait to see what she will do for her 30th birthday—what sort of sexual bull-dozer she will fire up and drive over us—back up and run over us again.

The London city council has had a delegation camped at the gates to her mansion for almost a year now, begging her to reprise her show at The Royal Albert Hall—the Queen has been especially keen on the idea.

Come on Lewis—get off your self-piteous butt and come home—we need you here and the time is right for this book—you’ll make a fortune riding Alice’s coat tails. Sylvia at The Bed & Whore says to tell you she’s running a “Two-fer” if you’re back by the end of the month.

check out this video:

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