The following note was found outside the entrance to the bar in the photo.

Hello Sally:

I trust this finds you and your family well.

I must explain about last night at the bar. Please forgive my passion for what I believe is the most important issue facing not just this country but the entire human species.

I suppose my behavior was disconcerting for some people—standing on top of the table dressed in my Star-Trek uniform shaking up bottles of beer and spraying everyone in the place (I thought Heineken would met with most people’s approval!) but I have come to appreciate the necessity of spectacle in order to gain attention. Obviously you cannot communicate without first gaining attention. Oh—I thought the motor-driven propeller-beanie was a tasteful if whimsical accessory—you never did comment.

Once I had everyone’s attention I had hoped I would be allowed the common courtesy of being permitted to pass out my updated brochures explaining the agenda for the first wave of visitors from the Alpha-Centuri star system. I did do some revising and clarified the part about the importance of the Amish Go-Go dancers in the welcoming ceremony. Alas–poor Henry and the large gentleman he employs–apparently misperceived my intent–the “road to hell” as they say. Please inform the large gentleman I am recovering nicely from the body-slam. I would be grateful if you would disabuse them of their current, unfortunate and mistaken impressions–whatever they might be.

I do wish to assure you I am resting comfortably here at the Albemarle Regional Jail. The sheriff has personally seen to my accommodations being so considerate as to provide me with a room much more comfortable than the typical cell—the walls being covered with a sort of thick, padded fabric rather than the usual paint over concrete block.

Please convey my deepest apologies to Henry—I promise to reimburse him for the damages as soon as I am released. I have been in contact with the flagship captain of the Alpha-Centurian initial contact fleet and he assures me they will not arrive until after my release date.

Fondest regards, Tony.

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